i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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