i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
