Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
