Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
