next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
