the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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