We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
