Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The power of my boobs compel you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
