shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
