I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
