he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
