i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
