Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
