the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
