i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
