the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
