That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
