Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to make out with him forever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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