Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
