Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
