i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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