Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
