life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
