I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
