I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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