Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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