You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
