Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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