yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
