we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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