Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
