True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
