Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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