This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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