so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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