She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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