I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
