I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Couch. On fire.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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