dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
