They should really pass out barf bags in church
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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