Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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