Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
