you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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