70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dick very happy bro
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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