she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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