Nicole vs. Life
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need to get me chipped asap
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