Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
