I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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