You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
