You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
