I'm sorry my penis didn't work
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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