you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
